


I will carry your pain all the way home

by IronButterfly



Category: Kingsman: The Secret Service (2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Fix-It, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-25
Updated: 2015-04-25
Packaged: 2018-03-25 18:03:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 987
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3819820
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IronButterfly/pseuds/IronButterfly
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>One chilly night, Eggsy sits shivering in the balcony, trying to imagine the world without Harry Hart.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I will carry your pain all the way home

**Author's Note:**

> Written really quickly, not beta-ed or heavily edited. So, yeah, you can let me know if there are any horrible errors!x

Eggsy wakes, eyes stinging, a silent scream trapped in his throat. He reaches out blindly and a bit frantically to check around him. Harry lies beside him, breathing deep and even. He feels reassuringly solid to the touch, and when Eggsy edges closer, Harry shifts to accommodate him, but he doesn’t wake.

 

Sometime during the night, the blankets have slipped down, getting tangled up near the bottom of the mattress, and Eggsy, cold and miserable, shivers and tucks himself underneath Harry’s outstretched arm. The older man stirs, and his fingers instinctively start stroking over the curve of Eggsy’s back.

 

Eggsy tries to calm his breathing, closing his eyes and willing away the horrific image of his mentor – his Harry – lying on the ground, head bloodied and no longer alive. Bile and dread are rising up Eggsy’s throat at the mere image.  Although, it is too easy now, to reach out and feel the ugly white scar that etches across the left side of Harry’s forehead, to feel its worried skin under his fingers – the reassurance of his presence, his survival.

 

No. No, it is all too close, too much. Eggsy struggles to his feet, trying to keep quiet, so as not to disturb his partner. He feels too distraught to go looking for clothes to put on so he just grabs a robe from the nearest spot on the floor, which turns out to be Harry’s favourite (he and Eggsy’s both, it seems) red dressing gown and which Harry, careless and eager, tossed it aside early in the evening. Any other time, the young agent would have made a snide remark about his mentor’s ‘gentlmanly’ manners and teased him endlessly. Now, he doesn’t even have the heart to crack a smile.

 

His eyes start burning again and suddenly there is not enough air in the room, and his brain doesn’t fully register as his feet carry him towards the huge balcony. Eggsy slips outside, gracelessly belting the dressing gown more firmly around his middle.

 

Later, Harry finds him there, sitting on a wooden bench, pressing his bare feet into the cold floor. He sits down, too, and without hesitation catches Eggsy’s hand in his own.

 

They keep silent for a while. Eventually Harry says, “I’m here, you know. Both of us. We’re here.”

 

Eggsy doesn’t answer, just leans more heavily against Harry, who gladly takes his weight, and looks down towards the gardens, stretching in front of the house, to avoid eye contact.

 

“Do you remember, when I was in medical,” Harry continues, “You would tell me how it was going to be.”

 

Eggsy swallows. He remembers. Sitting bundled up near Harry’s bed, day and night, looking for words to comfort his mentor…himself. _This won’t last forever,_ he said, _You’ll get better real quick, bruv, you’ll see! Harry. I_ swear _it._

 

Trying times for both of them. A bleak look from Harry and a gentle prompt. _Tell me, then. Tell me, how it will be, Eggsy._

And Eggsy did. He told him about mutual breakfasts in Harry’s apartment on weekends, ( _like good ol’ times, yeah?_ ) of puppies and little girls running around in huge gardens, of a life together.

 

Harry pulls him close, interrupting his memory and Eggsy comes willingly. He settles himself against Harry’s body, tucking against the older man’s chest. His heart is beating like a hammer, steady and strong and reassuring.

 

“You die,” Eggsy says, at last. “When I close me eyes at night, I see it. I see you there in that church…and then outside with Vallentine and Gazelle, you’re there and I’m watching you get shot in the head, a-and ‘ere’s so much blood and I ain’t, ain’t even -“ _I’m not even there and I’m useless, because if I can’t protect the people I love then what is the point anyway?_ But the words catch in his throat and there’s definitely wetness in his eyes and he’s quick to rub it away with the edge of his sleeve.

 

He murmurs, defeated, “Shit.”

 

“Oh, _Eggsy_.” Harry breathes out with regret and leans down, pressing his forehead against Eggsy’s hair. For a moment, he is at a loss as what to say. He knows, has always known, the high regard in which the boy holds him, knows how utterly crumbled Eggsy was when he watched Harry ‘die’ and of the guilt and the pain he caused the boy with their bitter parting before Kentucky.

 

“Let me tell you how it would have been then.” He says, at last, “I would have died, knowing that above all else, I had met you and proposed you for Kingsman. A decision, I am yet to regret. Despite what my actions might have led you to believe, I’ve never been anything but proud of you Eggsy. I was proud of you then and am even more so now. And most importantly, I had got to know you. You, who owed me nothing, who saw my soul and my deeds and loved me nonetheless.”

 

“I did. I do!” It isn’t a question, but Eggsy answers, staring at the man with huge earnest eyes.

 

“I know.” Harry kisses him on the forehead, then on the tip of his nose, red from the cold, and at last softly on the lips. “God, Eggsy, I _know._ And, angry or not, it was with thoughts of _you_ that I had left that day. You were the last coherent thought, coherent sight that I was going to take to death. I could have known no greater honor in the world.”

 

“But if you had died, I would be alone.” The air seems to sour in Eggsy’s lungs at the mere idea, and this time he’s the one reaching for Harry, clinging to him.

 

Harry reaches out in return.

 

“I am very glad to be alive.” Harry says, nothing but warmth and affection showing on his face, “And to be here with you.”


End file.
